And so I continued to follow this type of advice thinking it would be my saving grace.
…But all it did was make my wife less attracted to my cookie-dough a**.
And the #1 thing that took me overboard was when multiple family members would approach my wife & ask her about my sexuality & if I was straight or not.
Nothing was more humiliating.
I remember my wife got a job working at a hot yoga studio & men would always come in & hit on her.
And NOT just average looking men, I’m talking about athletes, models, CHADS!!
And one time, her co-worker who saw me drop her off at work literally laughed out loud & he said to her...
“That’s your husband? HAHA! You married that guy? You could do WAAAY better.”
Thankfully my wife has always been a good loyal woman & without me even having to ask,
she decided to quit & look for a new job.
At this point in my life, I was so confused & frustrated.
I didn’t know what to do.
All I wanted was to know what it felt like to be truly masculine.
To be a KING in my home.
To have my wife sexually turned on by my presence alone.
I wanted to feel confident—
And to look & feel masculine!
I wanted to be more aggressive & assertive.
To be STOIC!!
I wanted respect in social gatherings.
I wanted to be seen as a REAL MAN.
Meanwhile…
I’m watching p*rn every night, spilling my seed into some wadded up toilet paper—
While my wife is asleep next to me.
I did this for years.
LONG STORY SHORT...
As the guilt & shame began to weight down on me, I decide to confess everything to her.
I remember it was right after we had 'movie night.'
We were sitting on the couch & I broke.
With tears running down my face & snot oozing from my nostrils, I told her that I hadn't been very honest lately.
And that I have been watching p*rn almost every single night—
Since the night we got married!
...The look of DIGUST on her face tore me apart.
I felt like the biggest CHUMP on the planet.
We go to bed.
—Obviously she’s hurt by my actions.
But the next day we make an agreement…
She says to me,
“Fine. If you ever feel the need to watch it again—
Let's at least watch it together. I don't like you doing it behind my back."
Not going to lie, this was like music to my ears!
I slowly look at her.
I can't help but crack a smile as my mind starts imagining all the p*rn we could watch together.
That night we begin watching it together.
Then the next night we watch it together.
And the next...
And the next.
Fast forward a couple years & we are both 2 addicts who can't stop watching other people have s*x.
Admittedly, I'm happy she's addicted.
This way I can selfishly continue to feed my addiction!
Things seem to be going great.
I'm getting exactly what I want without the guilt or shame!
Until this happened...
All of the sudden, my wife tells me she doesn't want to watch p*rn anymore.
"WTF!?", I think to myself.
So we stop cold turkey.
As I try to have s*x with her, something TERRIBLE happens...
It's nearly impossible for me to get aroused without watching it.
Resulting in half-chub limpy erections!
Unable to get fully hard unless I've got on my favorite p*rnhub video.
Now my wife is sitting here asking me questions like; "Aren't I good enough?"
I'm ashamed.
I feel useless.
Impotent.
EMASCULATED.
The only time I feel masculine is when I'm in my little fantasy world watching p*rn.
Another couple months goes by.
I'm in the darkest place of my life...
My family & friends think I'm battling with my sexuality & my wife thinks I'm a wimpy, limp dick man-child.